Booze and book tours don’t mix

I don’t care how good this guy’s math is — this is a bad idea.

Sy Nazif, author of “Never Mind the Track,” plans for a month-long ride from Los Angeles to Chicago along old Route 66, and continuing on to New York City promoting his book. In the spirit of the novel, which features the protagonist racing drunk on motorcycles through city streets, Sy will be touring on his Harley and stopping at bars along the way to knock back beers and shots of tequila. Of course, “DUI Sy” will be making a few stops at book stores as well, to sign copies of his novel.

“I don’t intend to break the law with my drinking-and-riding. See, I ran the numbers and figured it all out. They say you can metabolize one drink per hour. So over the course of the month-long motorcycle book tour, I will be sure to consume less than 720 drinks.”

I’m reasonably certain that Nazif, who is an attorney, is just trying to scare up publicity for his new novel and that he’s not going to test his liver all that much on Route 66. In the “DUI Laws Suck” portion of his Web site, he says he’s taking a breathalyzer with him during his tour to make sure he stays legal. He then embarks on a long explanation on why breathalyzers are “inaccurate” and are putting innocent people in jail. (If any cops want to weigh in on his allegations about breathalyzers, please use the comments section of this post.)

Of course, that begs a question: If these breathalyzers are so lousy, why is he going to use one to test his sobriety during the tour?

The last thing we need along Route 66 are Hunter S. Thompson wannabes who endangers themselves and others, thinking they’ve “figured it all out” on staying just below the legal intoxication limit. Most veteran motorcyclists agree that you need to keep all your senses alert while riding. Adding booze compromises your ability to do that.

My advice: Lay off the brewskis until you’re done riding for the day. And make sure you order barbecue at the Elbow Inn, a classic biker bar in Devils Elbow, Mo.